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The Cistercian Informer | The Class of 2019’s Senior Wills

The Cistercian Informer | The Class of 2019’s Senior Wills

Every year, the Cistercian Informer publishes the final testaments of our college’s departing seniors for the rest of the scholar body to learn.  This yr, we share their last needs with you all as soon as again, with the complete information that we might never ourselves grasp precisely what our eldest brothers are trying to communicate.  We hope you enjoy the Class of 2019’s Senior Wills.


I, Nate Sanchez, of strong thoughts and vast physique, do hereby bequeath the following:

To Evan Anderson: A kiss goodnight and the power to block for Bennett
To Preston Barron: A hearty “Sure Coach”
To Matthew Donohoe: All of the cookie two-step on the earth and a few lower snaps
To Jack Schieferdecker: A brand new pair of shins and a few emotion
To AJ Sklar: Nothing but my love
To Kaosi Unini: A new set of arms
To Aidan Probability: A deep stare into your chest and the title of “Chungod” and “Ace”
To Beto De Los Santos: Immunity from turning into “washed up”
To Simple J/A-Juice: Some hand-eye coordination
To Sam Laber: Arthritis drugs and Athleticism
To Daniel Neylon: Fly excessive, Chopper
To Parm: You recognize what it is Gary
To Coby Scrudder: The dominance and terror of a true Cobra
To Jack Slots: Some girth and a sippy-sip
To Daniel “Onerous Sotes” Soto: 10 units of M. Presses and M. Push Ups
To Devon Comstock: Huge Daddy will all the time love you
To Oliver Currlin: A new shipment of roids and some leg days
To Eli Sanford: A third dimension
To Fr. Ambrose: A 10 ton cargo of crack pretzels
To Mr. Mehen: Everlasting bliss with an Indus Interlude
To New Dorn: Unique Corn Nuts and a toupee
To Coach Gray: Pancakes with a lot of syrup
To Fr. Philip: A brand new bloodline of dictators
To Doc Rinaldi: A Youngsters Gap present card
To Coach Sklar: I unfortunately had no fouls left to offer you


I, Sam Clay, of a sound thoughts and stout body, do hereby bequeath the next:

Leo Ontiveros: a jalapeno
Maxwell Vaughan: every part, together with my room and belongings
Max McGuire: the quantity 10
Jack Schieferdecker: words
Mr. Novinski: Malibu and snow
Dylan Smith: Cistercian basketball
Dan Otoole: a response to one thing and Basketball level guard
Kaosi Unini: a hug, slap, and poke
Hogan Jones: 6 inches
Evan Anderson: a experience residence
Fr. Lawrence: an individual to make you smile
Dr. Newcomb: a math drawback that’s enjoyable to do
Sam Laber: A Texas history journey
Eli Sanford: Flat Stanley
Maxwell Vaughan: an expertise in your guest room
Mike Stautz: A meal at Rafa’s
Patrick Garda: nothing, every part in life is earned
Coach Dorn: a toupee
Aidan Probability: a chungus


I, Tom Value, of questionable-at-best thoughts and flagging body, do hereby bequeath the next:

Kaosi Unini: Innovation . . . that excites. I am supplying you with your complete proper half of my brain.
AJ Sklar: An ungodly amount of data of the stage (oh wait…)
Preston Barron and Alex Banul: The title of “Meme Consulting Panel” which I truthfully assume is actually pretty cool and ought to be cherished for years to return
Nico Walz: I have nothing to offer that you simply wouldn’t have extra of than I do. Languages, swimming talent… You’re the Platonic perfect of me.
Evan O’Suilleabhain: A experience to a place of lodging
Dominic “The Dominator” Andrews: A very, really cool nickname (like, really cool)
Daniel Neylon: Forgiveness for what you stated whereas consuming ice cream with no spoon
Josephus Spak: The candy release of oblivion . . . nothing else can wipe away the horrors of the North Lake locker room
Charles Treadway: The long-sought remedy to the Zulu virus (you poor, sickly soul!)
Mark Van Kirk: My metaphorical High-Priestly mantle, you’ll know what to do when the moment is true. The entity in question is to be summoned with a beautifully-inscribed winged seahorse.
Connor Smith: The spin move I never had
Landry Pingel: Free reign to unleash your overabundance of sass on the Cistercian group
Cole Boyd: Commendation in your good composure and serenity
Mr. Mehen: The sum complete of my Value
Dr. Rinaldi: Pretty agarose sculptures
Fr. Ambrose: An entire lot of 2019 love.


I, Campell Keating, of the wisest thoughts and the widest physique, do hereby bequeath the next:

Matt Donohoe: some WD-40 for those knee braces
Kaosi Unini: the heavy rack within the weight room
Ace and Gary: a table for 2 at Luby’s
Cobra: the power to do a forward roll
Matt Donohoe: the lineman ice cream scoops and Dare’s throwing footwear
Max McGuire: one other foot in peak so you’ll be able to see over the oline
Beto De Los Santos: a tube of flourescent orange paint
Kaosi Unini: a pair of useful hamstrings
Aidan Probability: a pair of longer shorts
Sam Laber: my A in math
Connor Popolo: the number 72, put on it nicely
Coach Burk: my tutor skillz
Fr. Lawrence: one final “ICY SWOLE”
Dr. Newcomb: someone new to do the last homework drawback on the board
The Muscle Hamster: the attention that I by no means gave during seminar


I, Sebastian Currlin, of radical thoughts and sufficient physique, do hereby bequeath the following:

Ethan Barhydt: the baseball staff and my curveball
Jack Schieferdecker: my three-pointer and all the arrogance that comes with it
Alex Banul: a fedora, dinner at IHOP, and a 1 hour bus experience residence
Andrew Arras: a brand new couch and a much bigger strike zone
Sam Laber: all of my minutes and a 1v1 within the submit
Daniel Horlick: Four inches to distribute nevertheless you like
Aidan Smithson: a signed version of my pre-game bible
Eli Sanford: a booming voice and a third dimension
Alex Ardemagni: a full go well with of metallic armor to protect you on the plate and my number 3
Oliver Currlin: the Ford Flex and all its room for activities
Xavier Currlin: every part I find out about chess
Jamison Berard: a killer fastball
Jack Taylor: season tickets to Cistercian Varsity Baseball for life


I, John Paul Spak, of questionable mind and chunky body, do hereby bequeath the following:

Leo Ontiveros: Limitless fist bumps
Charles Treadway: A heated dialog on Snapchat
Mateo Ramirez: Any swimming type
Sam Gambow: My rushing ticket
Nico Walz: Dominion over the fantastic halls of North Lake
Evan Ringdahl: A heat sheet
Mark van Kirk: My cut up swimsuit, a tube of pringles, and a lifetime provide of gouda cheese
Joseph Spak: Guardianship of Elektra, my horrible sleeping habits, and a bin of jelly beans
Daniel Neylon: 100,000 ketchup packets
Evan O’Suilleabhain: Free lodging and life advice
Jack Schieferdecker: A nice, agency handshake
Joel Kattady: Vengeance
Ethan Barhydt: My golf swing and golden chain
Andrew Arras: My bum shoulder
Bobby Vitale: Sunscreen
Michael Wilson: A bottle of lotion
Rudy Gamboa: Puberty


I, Jose Baquero, of acute thoughts and even sharper body, do hereby bequeath the next:

Nico Lopez- Canada women, another leather jacket, and the distinguished tennis group
Sam Laber-  coupon for a free Shake Shack milkshake and a recent pair boxers, my 2000’s volleyball instructor sunglasses
Ben Woods – H.M.A.
Ankit Lulla- Nico’s number one spot
Masaki Fraccaroli- a brand new again and Ankit’s quantity two spot
Fr. Philip – a competent physics class and countless pp






I, Matthew Sawtelle, of strong mind and attenuated body, do hereby bequeath the following:

JB Hudnall: The beginning varsity goalkeeper place, my inexpressible apathy, and a traditional sized bean bag
Andrew Farhat: The appropriate to slap your brother
Stephan Salhab: An simply identifiable cultural heritage
Masaki Fraccaroli: An A- in Spanish and my resistance to damage
Dr. Rinaldi: Homeopathic antidepressants







I, Max Rodgers, of Newtonian mind and Herculean physique, do hereby bequeath the next:

Alex Smith: A pair of white tiger compression shorts
Evan O’Suilleabhain: (nevertheless you spell it): A kiss on the cheek
Luke Rakowitz: Olive Backyard breadsticks
John LeSage: The position of captain of the cross country staff
Daniel Soto: A lighter
Santi Ramirez: My eternal love
Joe Dunikoski: A 100m race with me
Andrew Arras: A Mexican citizenship
Maxwell Vaughan: My peak
Connor Roy: A haircut
Mr. Mehen: A Champions League title for Bayern Munich
Fr. Lawrence: My in depth information of arithmetic
Evan Anderson: A razor
Stephan Salhab: A brand new hat
Devon Comstock: Long-distance operating talents
Sam Laber: A images lesson


I, Sam Reimer, of nonexistant mind and unathletic body, do hereby bequeath the next:

Alex Ardemangi: baseball shape
Jack Schieferdecker: a quicker left fielder
Ethan Barhydt: some velocity
J.B. Hudnall: hold enjoying infield within the outfield
Connor Popolo: pushing of your back foot
Bobby Vitale: a voice
Mike Stautz: a starting spot on JVB
Timmy Ngo: a 1-Three-1 defense
Anthony Peterman: a bottle of sunscreen
Jack Taylor: some life advice
Matt Donohoe: an enormous hug
Eli Sanford: new individuals to overlook the bucket
Andrew Arras: the power to throw a single strike


I, James Toliver, of careworn thoughts and thin body, do hereby bequeath the following:

Chase Frutos: Chess expertise
Joel Kattady: Mock trial victories
Joseph Spak: Downloadable content
Charlie Nowlin: Breadacopia and a new automotive
Preston Barron: My mixtape
Evan Andersson: A sandbox
Zain Dabbous: Basketball expertise
Saish Satyal: A cooking present for the entire family
Daniel Neylon: Unusual acronyms
Patrick Geary: A Twitch subscription
Rudy Gamboa: 34 free automotive rides



I, Jimmy Garda, of mind and physique, do hereby bequeath the following:

Patrick Garda: Nothing, for every thing is earned.
Kaosi Unini: The whole lot I have, and every thing I am. My coronary heart, my soul, and a spot in my dorm next yr.
Evan Anderson: My flopping expertise on the soccer pitch.
Reefe Harrison and Oscar Anderhub: my pink captain arm band. Struggle for it between yourselves.
Jack Schieferdecker: Swaggerville
Devon Comstock: an correct technique for timing a 40.
Andrew Farhat: my guest cross to LA Health… you may really use that. Oh, and a few tempo, you may use that too.





I, Jack Corrigan, of distracted thoughts and dad-like body, do hereby bequeath the next:

Alex Banul: The power to shut tabs
P-Funk Barron: Sole possession of the long-snapper place
Matt Donohoe: Depth of squats
Ace & Gary: Fundies
Michael Stautz: A Browns OBJ jersey
Masaki Fraccaroli: A Manchester United scarf
Coach Manos: The Cowboys ebook that you simply let me borrow like 2 years ago
All who use the load room: My good recognizing method





I, Jack O’Neil, of strong body and safe thoughts do hereby bequeath the following:

Dylan Smith: my crispy bounce shot
Ryan Smith: cash for lunch
John Feretti: a lifetime supply of pasta
Eli Sanford: 3D glasses and ankle braces
Matthew Martin- a mattress
Oliver Currlin- sufficient peak
Aidan Probability- love and affection
Daniel Soto- a Four.0 and soy milk
Aidan Smithson- dry palms
Daniel Horlick- clean shorts
Sam Laber: additionally clear shorts
Henry Kirkpatrick: the murk wagon
Jack Slaughter- a greater nickname
Evan Anderson- my backyard
Jack Schieferdecker- my WashU hoodie
Sasha Birukhoff- Woman Scout cookies
Hogan Jones- trips to McDonald’s
Mr. Novinski- Hall’s and Kleenex

I, David Navarro, of radiant mind and superbly sculpted physique, do hereby bequeath the following:

Kaosi Unini- a stellar monitor season…oh wait nevermind
Jack Schieferdecker- all of my love and affection
Evan Anderson- the appropriate to go first during backpedal progression and higher music
Hogan Jones- an additional pair of tights to wear round Coach Daum
Reefe Harrison- a butt to slap on the soccer pitch
Chase Frutos- a broken leg and $50 from Wynne
Andrew Farhat- two meals from Chick-fil-A
Zain Dabbous- the proper to being the one striker out there in Coash Walsh’s Four-5-1, have fun.
Stephan Salhab- the appropriate to yell “let’s freaking go!” whenever you need to.
Matt Donahue- better senior pages editors
Maxwell Vaughan- two tickets to Kaboomtown, simply me and also you this time 🙂
Sam Laber- higher route-running on show group for the workforce defense
JB Hundall- extra sick saves
Jakob Quarles- a progress spurt
Masaki Fraccaroli- a trip to Phil’s office
Brian Rehagen- nothing
Rodrigo Navarro- the fitting to throw afterparties at our house
Patrick Garda- a nice meal and Jimmy’s mooching privileges
Sean Comstock- one other dope headband on your soccer recreation

I, Gio Bertocco, of large brain and magazine-cover physique, do hereby bequeath the next:
Henry Kirkpatrick: My condolences to Camden, straightforward money, no cap, bottomless Shirley temples, all my bounce, and peaceable sleep now that you understand I’m pleased with you.
Jack Schieferdecker: Nothing bruh, chill.
Daniel Soto: Title of “hardest” within the faculty, correct curl type, and all of my knowledge and help, not that you simply need it seeing as you have got it all found out.
Evan Anderson: A jeep to creep in, on the schoolyard.
Sam Laber: A thank you for shielding me from…, and a helpful web site:
Spaghetts: The great guess of 12.
Devon Comstock: All of my love and one thing to do each Tuesday.
Slots: Nothing, you “acquired it”.
Dylan Smith: The varsity, it’s yours now Dil.
Evan O’Suilleabhain: Anything you want, please just take my lunch cash and depart me alone.

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